Beach Pranks

We’re balls-deep into Spring Break season and my recent move to the beach has my mind racing about how to foul-up the tourist experience with a little local-guy buffoonery.

For the group of college girls sunbathing with bikini tops untied
Pour a bag of SmartFood (already popped) popcorn among their beach blanket brothel. Watch as the seagulls pounce and topless women scatter.

For the old man with the metal detector
Cut a hole into a huge rubber dildo, hide a coin in it and bury it in the sand. Wonder if he will even identify what he’s found after he digs it up.

For the group of unsupervised elementary school kids
Send them on an 8-hour shell-collecting contest where the winner gets 5 bucks. Never show up to judge the final count.

For the beach volleyball god
Overnight, stick a bunch of plastic forks in the sand on every square inch of the court. It’ll be the best $3.49 (and 2 hours) you’ve ever spent on a prank.

For the legendary lifeguard
Place an inflatable doll face-down in the water. After Baywatch wannabe leaves his stand, replace his Coppertone with fish oil.

For the drunk guido frat dude
This is a two-man job known as table-topping. Accomplice 1 engages the victim with a conversation about chest waxing, steroid use or anything else of frat-tastic interest. Meanwhile, Accomplice 2 stands directly behind the victim (perpendicular to his shoulders) on all fours. With a forceful shove from Accomplice 1, the victim is sent stumbling backwards and is clipped by Accomplice 2. Victims then finds himself ass over tea kettle, spilling his RedBull/Goose and smashing his Dolche Gabanna bootleg sunglasses in the process.

3 years ago  /  Notes